During the couple months, there is some luck in my life. meet a couple " amazing" friends. friends can will
always be there listen and card about you. i care about them alot..alot..
i really don't know what to do with my life anymore, no.. i do..
it's just that i don't want to face the reality, i have so much important things to take care in my life, whether is i leave by the end of the year or stay. i had to make a decision now..i know if i follow the road that mum wants me to, i can get everything i want later in life. and even married the person mum wants me to -_______________-. but is this really what i want? i want my own life, i want to do what i want to do. probably won't get me anywhere, but i have no regrets in life? But i have to do this for mum!! I HAVE TO!!!! i took so much from mum, it's time that i do something in return. the best i can do is do whatever she wants me to do. even let her run my whole life. i'm happy with that. i believe that later on in life mum will pick the right person for me, saving me from getting hurt from searching the world....i guess this is the way it has to be..
Written @
19:58
sigh, it's been such a longtime since i last blog..
theres so much i wanted to say, but i never know how to start..sigh sigh sigh..
maybe noone really follow this blog, but i'm still gonna rage about it :D
past the couple months, so much shit had happened, Boyfriend, family, school, friends,
felt like the end of the world, all the problems just came at once, and i felt like i can't breathe anymore. i always knew that i'm stronger then that, but seriously this time.....i felt like i can't deal with my life anymore. i just want to give up everything. maybe sometime i just needed someone to be there and listen to me ? or just even sat down next to me and pat my head say that " everything is going to be ok" so sick of acting so strong when you know that your not !! i want to be able to cry ok ? i want to tell people that i'm hurting too? why can't someone just be there and listen to me rage?!!! I WANT TO GIVE UP PRETENDING ALREADY!!! why do i have to act that i'm all fine, why cant't i just act like a little girl that need love all the time? WHY NOT WHY NOT !!!!!
This world is so not fare, first the took everything away from you, and now they try to say that everyone is treated fare? what ever you lost will come back to you eventually ? wth? noooo!!!! they took away my love my feelings my emotions my EVERYTHING. i want to be able to love agian.. why is it so hard. All i wanted was a settle relationship, nothing fancy, nothing expensive, just a settle normal relationship. why is it so difficult to just to find that one person, someone you can
trust, depended, love, care, lord, to. so tired of giving in to relationships and had to fouce myself to get out of it. i'm so scared that i'm gonna be become that kind of person that can't feel love or hate, even the sadness that's causing by love/hate. why does it always rain over me? i gave my best to save my every relationship, but it always end up sadly...i really really really don't want to try anymore. sometime i ratha not be able to feel, life would be much easier that way. twice!!! mens broke my heart... you think i'm gonna let you boys walk over me like that??? then your wrong! never be settle why didn't i keep that? even if it hurts like hell, i'm not gonna let you see me cry, because i'm gonna show you that i'm fine without you. i might be weak, but i'm strong enough not to show it. sometimes when i think about it , parents are always right, they told me not to take it serious in this age, otherwise it's gonna scar you for life, well didn't listen, now i learn my lessons, ouch that hurts like a bitch!!!! had you ever had that feeling that someone rip your heart into pieces and you have to tap it back into a whole your own ??!!! i have!!! twice!!!!!! never ever gonna let that happen to me ever again. i'm smarter this time, say bye bye to boys, waiting for the REAL MAN to come alone. i don't want a boyfriend, i need a real man. a man that has thoughs about his life, a man that knows how to treat a girl right, a man that have respect.
To be honsest, I HATE DATING, hmmhaha, so funny. it put me off to the stage that i do not want to date for a very LONG time :D.....
I need to start thinking about what i want, and i'm gonna make it happen.
I wanted you to be there when I fall I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep I wanted you, I wanted you
This is all over...it really is ... no more childish games in life. school school school, i need to foucs on school more :D
To be continue.....
Written @
10:43
