2010年4月7日星期三
During the couple months, there is some luck in my life. meet a couple " amazing" friends. friends can will
always be there listen and card about you. i care about them alot..alot..
i really don't know what to do with my life anymore, no.. i do..
it's just that i don't want to face the reality, i have so much important things to take care in my life, whether is i leave by the end of the year or stay. i had to make a decision now..i know if i follow the road that mum wants me to, i can get everything i want later in life. and even married the person mum wants me to -_______________-. but is this really what i want? i want my own life, i want to do what i want to do. probably won't get me anywhere, but i have no regrets in life? But i have to do this for mum!! I HAVE TO!!!! i took so much from mum, it's time that i do something in return. the best i can do is do whatever she wants me to do. even let her run my whole life. i'm happy with that. i believe that later on in life mum will pick the right person for me, saving me from getting hurt from searching the world....i guess this is the way it has to be..
Written @
19:58
sigh, it's been such a longtime since i last blog..
theres so much i wanted to say, but i never know how to start..sigh sigh sigh..
maybe noone really follow this blog, but i'm still gonna rage about it :D
past the couple months, so much shit had happened, Boyfriend, family, school, friends,
felt like the end of the world, all the problems just came at once, and i felt like i can't breathe anymore. i always knew that i'm stronger then that, but seriously this time.....i felt like i can't deal with my life anymore. i just want to give up everything. maybe sometime i just needed someone to be there and listen to me ? or just even sat down next to me and pat my head say that " everything is going to be ok" so sick of acting so strong when you know that your not !! i want to be able to cry ok ? i want to tell people that i'm hurting too? why can't someone just be there and listen to me rage?!!! I WANT TO GIVE UP PRETENDING ALREADY!!! why do i have to act that i'm all fine, why cant't i just act like a little girl that need love all the time? WHY NOT WHY NOT !!!!!
This world is so not fare, first the took everything away from you, and now they try to say that everyone is treated fare? what ever you lost will come back to you eventually ? wth? noooo!!!! they took away my love my feelings my emotions my EVERYTHING. i want to be able to love agian.. why is it so hard. All i wanted was a settle relationship, nothing fancy, nothing expensive, just a settle normal relationship. why is it so difficult to just to find that one person, someone you can
trust, depended, love, care, lord, to. so tired of giving in to relationships and had to fouce myself to get out of it. i'm so scared that i'm gonna be become that kind of person that can't feel love or hate, even the sadness that's causing by love/hate. why does it always rain over me? i gave my best to save my every relationship, but it always end up sadly...i really really really don't want to try anymore. sometime i ratha not be able to feel, life would be much easier that way. twice!!! mens broke my heart... you think i'm gonna let you boys walk over me like that??? then your wrong! never be settle why didn't i keep that? even if it hurts like hell, i'm not gonna let you see me cry, because i'm gonna show you that i'm fine without you. i might be weak, but i'm strong enough not to show it. sometimes when i think about it , parents are always right, they told me not to take it serious in this age, otherwise it's gonna scar you for life, well didn't listen, now i learn my lessons, ouch that hurts like a bitch!!!! had you ever had that feeling that someone rip your heart into pieces and you have to tap it back into a whole your own ??!!! i have!!! twice!!!!!! never ever gonna let that happen to me ever again. i'm smarter this time, say bye bye to boys, waiting for the REAL MAN to come alone. i don't want a boyfriend, i need a real man. a man that has thoughs about his life, a man that knows how to treat a girl right, a man that have respect.
To be honsest, I HATE DATING, hmmhaha, so funny. it put me off to the stage that i do not want to date for a very LONG time :D.....
I need to start thinking about what i want, and i'm gonna make it happen.
I wanted you to be there when I fall I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep I wanted you, I wanted you
This is all over...it really is ... no more childish games in life. school school school, i need to foucs on school more :D
To be continue.....
Written @
10:43
2010年1月8日星期五
EHH..FML..
i've become so weak lately,,all the sickness coming at once :(
my ear hurts like a bitch..can't even sleep at night,,and + the cold..omg what is this ><
la la la i really cbf blogging these days...
FML......
Written @
03:14
2010年1月2日星期六
Woolala , haven't blog in such a long time, is not like i don't want to share my life with my friends, is just me been LAZY XD . time has gone really fast for 2009, sigh ><. what can i say about 2009, it's the worst year of my life ever !!!! jlafjlsjfhg(*&%*)#... don't wanna talk about it, for those that do know me would know why :(, my baby dog died in 2009, major relationship problems ( always end up to a tragedy), really disrespect to my mother O_o..ahhh i just hope 2010 is the year for me, i always attempt to think that if something bad happened to me, something good will come along right after, but it doesn't always work that way. always had my hopes up , and the next thing you'll know is that your heart went from heaven to hell (>O_o<)..My resolution for 2010 :- School School School !!! get a good OP ^^
- Work harder and save up more $$$$$
- Grow my hair :p
- No more playing around with boys >o<
- Be a better Daughter
That's enough for now, more to come as the time goes hah :) looking pretty forward for rest of the 2010, this year is a big " challenge" for me, for thoes that don't know , i'm actually moving out of home ><><>O<. hopefully i'll meet some awesome people , as i already did meet a few amazing people last couple months ^^ nice meeting you all ^^ i seriously better wrap it up here, my life is just so borning at this stage O_o
I hope everyone had a great new year and here we come 2010 ^^
Written @
02:57
2009年12月25日星期五
I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt.
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
Do you love me or not?
I don’t care what the answer is, I just need to know.
No matter how badly I desire to be with you.
There are many unchangeable things in this world,
and my love for you can’t be stopped by anyone.
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you
I have to let you know
I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will.
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt.
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love.
Putting these feelings into words is so scary, but
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love.
The happiness we change upon in our lives can’t be expressed in words
That’s why we can only smile
Why we sing “Do re mi” among the vivid autumn colors
With winter at our backs, and the spring sunbeams peeking through the leaves.
As to protect someone who’s just been reborn
As I looked at the road I’d traveled and the path ahead, my eyes were filled with cowardice.
I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid I wouldn’t be honest
I didn’t want to know that you didn’t love me
and live the rest of my days all alone
That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you
I have to let you know.
I want you to love me, but I don’t think you will
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It’s the only answer I have, even if I’m scared of getting hurt
I’ll say “I love you” to the one I love
Written @
05:31
2009年12月21日星期一
This one goes out to someone that's quite "SPECIAL" to me ^^, i don't even know where to start with this person, he's like a mystery to me. I know hardly anything about him, I never met him. weird ae O_o..yes yes , i know what you think, this girl is so weird, how can she even say the word "SPECIAL" about this boy that she have never ever met. well to me, he is. i never though i could be so open to anyone again after all the things "MR WRONG" put me through, and i though i could never feel this way again. To be honest, i don't exactly know what's my feelings towards to him, but i just want him to be there, and i want to talk to him all the time. he's little emotions makes me happy, and i get upset when he's not there. Now days is really not easy to find someone that i can be myself around, he kinder give me that "safe" feel ^^. i think talking to him has slowing become apart of my life, I really don't expect anything more then just a friend, I can just leave it as it is now. because i know if i take a step forward and actually tell him how i feel, i might lost him as a friend FOREVER. Maybe to him i'm just the same with the every other girl, he will talk to me when he's bored, or even not talk to me at all. but to me he has become the reason that i go online ^^, everynight when i go on Msn the first thing i'll see is if he's online. >< sounds abit stalkish >< la la la ... sometimes i wish i don't fall for people this easy, or i can just quickly get out of it, but hey! is me that we are talking about >< i'm writing this because he will never read this ,and forever he would not know there was this girl that wants to hold him tight everynight and kiss him goodnight ❤
Written @
17:32
2009年12月16日星期三
